Put on a Happy Face.
Brush off the clouds and cheer up
Put on a Happy Face.
Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy,
It's not your style;
You'll look so good that you'll be glad
Ya decide to smile." (Lee Adams & Charles Strouse, 1960)
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Kagan Vs. GOP Revisionist Senators: U.S. Senate Hearings of 06/29/2010, on Supreme Court Nominee Elena Kagan
"Grey skies are gonna clear up
Put on a Happy Face.
Brush off the clouds and cheer up
Put on a Happy Face.
Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy,
It's not your style;
You'll look so good that you'll be glad
Ya decide to smile." (Lee Adams & Charles Strouse, 1960)
Put on a Happy Face.
Brush off the clouds and cheer up
Put on a Happy Face.
Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy,
It's not your style;
You'll look so good that you'll be glad
Ya decide to smile." (Lee Adams & Charles Strouse, 1960)
Monday, June 28, 2010
God Loves a Winner Most
Tragedy befell everybody
Ahead of me
In line
This was catastrophic
For everyone else
But I was left unscathed
My progress forward
Miserably got and mournfully praised
Nothing remained
But the ghost scuffs of shoe hide
Memorized on linoleum
Ahead of me
In line
This was catastrophic
For everyone else
But I was left unscathed
My progress forward
Miserably got and mournfully praised
Nothing remained
But the ghost scuffs of shoe hide
Memorized on linoleum
Be More Gooder: A Parentalogue on Process
This is what it sounds like (for privacy, I’m using the pseudonyms of Heckyl and Jeckyl when referring to my son [10] and daughter [7]):
Example #1
Dad: Have you practiced guitar yet?
Heckyl: Uhm, … (followed by a blank stare at book, video game or TV).
Dad: Well? You told me you were going to do it at 4:30. It’s 5:45 now. Where are you at with practice and organizing the books in your room?
Heckyl: Uhm, … ah … yes ... no … yes …what?
Dad: Hey, Heckyl. Hello? HELLO?!? Can you look at me please when I’m talking.
Heckyl: Uhm … ah o … k … . Oh! Hey dad. What’s up?
Example #2
Jeckyl: Daddy!
Dad: Hey monkey! How was school today?
Jeckyl: Good.
Dad: Tell me about one thing you learned.
Jeckyl: Good.
Dad: Good, yes, alright, it was a good day. Why was it good? Tell me about something you’re proud of.
Jeckyl: No.
Dad: Yes.
Jeckyl: No! The day was good. I don’t wanna talk about it.
Dad: How about later?
Jeckyl: I love you love you can we stop for snow-cones?
My children are really cool to hang out with. They’re smart, funny, strong, fast, clever and often curious. But, for some reason they have resisted all of my attempts at training them to be interesting and interested in the manner that I idealize for them. No matter how I try to draw their understanding and attention to the idea that we teach other people how to treat us through how we treat them, they insist on demanding my attention while refusing their own to me.
I think my expectations are pretty reasonable. I don’t expect them to “study” my invitations to manners and communication, nor do I ever suppose to impose that they repeat my lessons by wrote. They are 7 & 10 and they view the world through lenses that are always filtered by their own emotional and situational immediacy. Still, their fun-house mirroring of my entreaties is absurdly frustrating and I am left with only two options if I am to find some acceptance on the matter:
A) Allow time and practice to do their magic and slowly inculcate them through their own experience alongside my repetitious reminders on how to win friends and influence people.
B) Tattoo a short-list of my insights upside down on their upper thighs so that whenever they are resting in repose my “rules to live by” will unavoidably accost their sparkling and eager eyes.
Considering that there are laws which prohibit option B, I am left with no real choice but to continue down the path I’ve already hewn with option A, and hope for the best. However, since my short-term memory is receding at a greater rate than my capacity to redirect their attentions over and over and over and over again towards my live-by suggestions, I’ve begun an elastically revisable list that I can keep crushed up in my pocket at all times. Then, when the moments arrive in which I sense a susceptible opportunity on my children’s part to suspend all defense against me, I will yank the list from my pocket and lovingly work to subliminally leak all manner or explication and example of the simple premise that, “interesting people are those who show genuine interest in others.”
The Always-Already Incomplete Draft of Live-By Suggestions
* Remember what people tell you and ask follow-up questions later.
* A real person is “always” more important to listen to than television.
* Ask questions if what someone is telling you seems confusing or unclear.
* Please and thank you are powerfully persuasive communication tools.
* Be specific, give details and elaborate thoughtfully when asked about your day.
* People don’t know what you’re feeling or why unless you tell them.
* Eat healthy snacks frequently.
* Ask others to explain how they do their job, what they’re most proud of, and about the role they play in making people around them effective and happy.
* Look people in the eye when they speak with you, unless you’re in a part of the world where this a sign of disrespect (thus, the importance of always knowing where you are).
* Ask people what they want you to learn (not just do) when they’re angry at you.
* When juggling many people and expectations, make a reasonable plan and a plan to be reasonable.
* Identify and avoid clichés. If a cliché is necessarily pragmatic, be willing to make fun of its routine and elegant simplicity.
* Drink more water than you want to.
* If you don’t feel like talking, tell people when you think you will, or inform them you’ll let them know when you do feel open to sharing.
* Meditate on your self-awareness and practice of distinguishing between being quiet and being absent.
I’m starting to feel like a day-glo poster in an elementary school counselor’s office. But this is my list, crumpled in my pocket, not yours. You’ve got one. We all got one that we like to brandish on others at the slightest perceived provocation. We’re all full of rules and suggestions for how we want the people around us to act, to listen, to behave with us. It’s what makes us human, and not, say, a chimp or a sandwich.
Let me finish by admitting that I do all of these things badly. Or, at least, not as good or as frequently or as thoroughly as I idealize for myself. It’s hard work sharing space with other people. For some of us it comes less naturally than others. Distractions abound. They are ripe and beckon us deeper into our own hopes and dreams and fears. There are no fundamental tricks for being a present and loving dad or kid or mom or worker. At best, all we can do is ask good questions, listen carefully, and (even if we have to pretend) let the people around us know that we give a damn.
Example #1
Dad: Have you practiced guitar yet?
Heckyl: Uhm, … (followed by a blank stare at book, video game or TV).
Dad: Well? You told me you were going to do it at 4:30. It’s 5:45 now. Where are you at with practice and organizing the books in your room?
Heckyl: Uhm, … ah … yes ... no … yes …what?
Dad: Hey, Heckyl. Hello? HELLO?!? Can you look at me please when I’m talking.
Heckyl: Uhm … ah o … k … . Oh! Hey dad. What’s up?
Example #2
Jeckyl: Daddy!
Dad: Hey monkey! How was school today?
Jeckyl: Good.
Dad: Tell me about one thing you learned.
Jeckyl: Good.
Dad: Good, yes, alright, it was a good day. Why was it good? Tell me about something you’re proud of.
Jeckyl: No.
Dad: Yes.
Jeckyl: No! The day was good. I don’t wanna talk about it.
Dad: How about later?
Jeckyl: I love you love you can we stop for snow-cones?
My children are really cool to hang out with. They’re smart, funny, strong, fast, clever and often curious. But, for some reason they have resisted all of my attempts at training them to be interesting and interested in the manner that I idealize for them. No matter how I try to draw their understanding and attention to the idea that we teach other people how to treat us through how we treat them, they insist on demanding my attention while refusing their own to me.
I think my expectations are pretty reasonable. I don’t expect them to “study” my invitations to manners and communication, nor do I ever suppose to impose that they repeat my lessons by wrote. They are 7 & 10 and they view the world through lenses that are always filtered by their own emotional and situational immediacy. Still, their fun-house mirroring of my entreaties is absurdly frustrating and I am left with only two options if I am to find some acceptance on the matter:
A) Allow time and practice to do their magic and slowly inculcate them through their own experience alongside my repetitious reminders on how to win friends and influence people.
B) Tattoo a short-list of my insights upside down on their upper thighs so that whenever they are resting in repose my “rules to live by” will unavoidably accost their sparkling and eager eyes.
Considering that there are laws which prohibit option B, I am left with no real choice but to continue down the path I’ve already hewn with option A, and hope for the best. However, since my short-term memory is receding at a greater rate than my capacity to redirect their attentions over and over and over and over again towards my live-by suggestions, I’ve begun an elastically revisable list that I can keep crushed up in my pocket at all times. Then, when the moments arrive in which I sense a susceptible opportunity on my children’s part to suspend all defense against me, I will yank the list from my pocket and lovingly work to subliminally leak all manner or explication and example of the simple premise that, “interesting people are those who show genuine interest in others.”
The Always-Already Incomplete Draft of Live-By Suggestions
* Remember what people tell you and ask follow-up questions later.
* A real person is “always” more important to listen to than television.
* Ask questions if what someone is telling you seems confusing or unclear.
* Please and thank you are powerfully persuasive communication tools.
* Be specific, give details and elaborate thoughtfully when asked about your day.
* People don’t know what you’re feeling or why unless you tell them.
* Eat healthy snacks frequently.
* Ask others to explain how they do their job, what they’re most proud of, and about the role they play in making people around them effective and happy.
* Look people in the eye when they speak with you, unless you’re in a part of the world where this a sign of disrespect (thus, the importance of always knowing where you are).
* Ask people what they want you to learn (not just do) when they’re angry at you.
* When juggling many people and expectations, make a reasonable plan and a plan to be reasonable.
* Identify and avoid clichés. If a cliché is necessarily pragmatic, be willing to make fun of its routine and elegant simplicity.
* Drink more water than you want to.
* If you don’t feel like talking, tell people when you think you will, or inform them you’ll let them know when you do feel open to sharing.
* Meditate on your self-awareness and practice of distinguishing between being quiet and being absent.
I’m starting to feel like a day-glo poster in an elementary school counselor’s office. But this is my list, crumpled in my pocket, not yours. You’ve got one. We all got one that we like to brandish on others at the slightest perceived provocation. We’re all full of rules and suggestions for how we want the people around us to act, to listen, to behave with us. It’s what makes us human, and not, say, a chimp or a sandwich.
Let me finish by admitting that I do all of these things badly. Or, at least, not as good or as frequently or as thoroughly as I idealize for myself. It’s hard work sharing space with other people. For some of us it comes less naturally than others. Distractions abound. They are ripe and beckon us deeper into our own hopes and dreams and fears. There are no fundamental tricks for being a present and loving dad or kid or mom or worker. At best, all we can do is ask good questions, listen carefully, and (even if we have to pretend) let the people around us know that we give a damn.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Movie Review: Cry us a "CYRUS"
CYRUS (2010), is the kind of movie I hope to see when I hope to see a movie about real seeming people working their way through the awkardness of a tricky wolrd in which other people are both necessary for individual happiness and expertly complicating that happiness in each other's lives. Written and directed by brothers Jay and Mark Duplass, the film quietly makes full use of its' actor's (John C. Reilly, Jonah Hill, Marisa Tomei and Catherine Keener) capacity for acting real. This is a good thing.
I laughed out loud -- frequently and with unembarrassed gusto, and I am not the kind of movie goer who is often accused of being jovial, easy to mind-tickle or heart-pull. The film is a complex unpacking of difficult themes, such as: old love lost and new love found; parental expectation and disspointment; and the tricky paths we stumble down in trying to integrate other people's stumbling into a dance. Without giving anything away, CYRUS is about how everybody is freaking-out all the time. More importantly, despite our freaking-out, CYRUS suggests that we all work pretty darn hard to make it through the day, beacause, in the end we need each other.
One last note on the film: it manages to work all of this out for the viewer in a far more satisfying and less obtuse manner than this response to it.
I laughed out loud -- frequently and with unembarrassed gusto, and I am not the kind of movie goer who is often accused of being jovial, easy to mind-tickle or heart-pull. The film is a complex unpacking of difficult themes, such as: old love lost and new love found; parental expectation and disspointment; and the tricky paths we stumble down in trying to integrate other people's stumbling into a dance. Without giving anything away, CYRUS is about how everybody is freaking-out all the time. More importantly, despite our freaking-out, CYRUS suggests that we all work pretty darn hard to make it through the day, beacause, in the end we need each other.
One last note on the film: it manages to work all of this out for the viewer in a far more satisfying and less obtuse manner than this response to it.
Perspectival on Arrival
The only requirement was decisiveness. Where to assign direction to
possibility? Which abundance of opportunity to grab onto? Maybe, he
thought, maybe I'll get a haircut.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Homing on the range of recalling
a horse is a hair and gallop machine
muscle wave shudder
proof of snout
that nag is an actor
mane tosser
preening stable mater & nibbler
broad backed
equivocal mane sheen
indifferent beast
you hoof stomper and
transportation metaphor
portraits noble
for chew modeling
a mastication station
cart puller
necessary for blacksmiths in history
enables
a caricature
of horse
muscle wave shudder
proof of snout
that nag is an actor
mane tosser
preening stable mater & nibbler
broad backed
equivocal mane sheen
indifferent beast
you hoof stomper and
transportation metaphor
portraits noble
for chew modeling
a mastication station
cart puller
necessary for blacksmiths in history
enables
a caricature
of horse
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Coyote About Power
quieter than you'd anticipate
that paw scampering breath holder
cleaves a vacuum out of afternoon
consider the numerous advantages of serrated teeth
that killer logisticates an approach to neck perspectives
is innocent about mourning
rents deer fear swiftly
nervous about crows
rabbit appetizers for coyote brunch
after burr-in-paw rambling through brambles
saunters squint-eyed
embarrassed by cartoons
writes mythologies of the southwest during leisure time
or hews cactus flower for his sweetheart
this example of musculature under fur
sinewy stealth creeping under moon slivers
bone of contention for farmers or field mice
hungry like alarm clock sleep
more hungrier invites quieter bounding
quieter than you'd anticipate
Movie Review: A Utopian Toy Story
I dug TOY STORY 3. Dug it in the third dimension with my kids on a lazy summer afternoon while noshing on fried pickles, corn dogs and gooey meat pizza at the local arthouse theater where waiters slip in and out of the dark with plates of comfort goodness.
I dug the short film, "Day and Night" that preceeded the feature with eye-bending digital graphics and a hopeful message about recognizing the generative value allowing the world to be seen and felt through multiple and sometimes conflicting lenses. I dug the precarious balance of the bulky black 3D glasses that teetered, yet clung, to the tip of my daughter's freckled knob of a nose. I dug my son's chortteling laugh and knotty elbow nudges that dug into my rib cage in his obvious attempts to clarify which parts of the movie were most clever according to his own refined sensibilities.
What I dug most, however, was that throughout the story's telling not once dig the economic valuing of the toys cost (some had to have cost their givers more money than others) ever sneak into the social contract of mutual interdependence that the characters operate in. In problem solving their collective usefulness, the toys never seem to wrestle with comparisons between their individual worth, never elevate the more costly to positions of power over the less expensive, and never stipulate social value on anything other than a willingness to be one friend among many. They are friends. They look out for eachother, act nice, helpful, supportive and worry about eachother's feelings. I dug that.
•••••
I dug the short film, "Day and Night" that preceeded the feature with eye-bending digital graphics and a hopeful message about recognizing the generative value allowing the world to be seen and felt through multiple and sometimes conflicting lenses. I dug the precarious balance of the bulky black 3D glasses that teetered, yet clung, to the tip of my daughter's freckled knob of a nose. I dug my son's chortteling laugh and knotty elbow nudges that dug into my rib cage in his obvious attempts to clarify which parts of the movie were most clever according to his own refined sensibilities.
What I dug most, however, was that throughout the story's telling not once dig the economic valuing of the toys cost (some had to have cost their givers more money than others) ever sneak into the social contract of mutual interdependence that the characters operate in. In problem solving their collective usefulness, the toys never seem to wrestle with comparisons between their individual worth, never elevate the more costly to positions of power over the less expensive, and never stipulate social value on anything other than a willingness to be one friend among many. They are friends. They look out for eachother, act nice, helpful, supportive and worry about eachother's feelings. I dug that.
•••••
Codes of Conduct: McChrystal, Spitzer and the Battle Between Thinking and Acting Bad
Yesterday, I got to read and watch all about General McChrystal's resignation from his post as the top US and NATO military commander in Afghanistan. President Obama's rose garden address carefully laid out the breach in millitary code of conduct that McChrystal (and his staff) opened in publically deriding the civillian leaders who set policy for the war back in Washington D.C.. Seems that the rules about this are pretty clear and without dispute. All the pundits have left to wonder about is, "what was he (McChrystal) thinking in flagrantly articulating doubt and critique about the administration" during his interviews with RollingStone magazine. I won't pretend to get inside his or anyone else's head and try to construe their thoughts around actions that lend themselves so readilly to getting busted, but it all seems a bit too obvious to me. McChrystal's bad actions seem motivated out of a want for things to change from how they are, to something they are (as yet) not. Well, it worked. Perhaps General Petreus will have a more successful time in helping the administration and the public understand what Afganistan means. Perhaps not. What is clear is that General McChrystal was unable to effect change through discourse with the administration, and instead, offered public critiques that he had to have known would burst the very codes of conduct about how we talk about war when we are a participant in it. Part of me wants to thank General McChrystal. Last week, nobody was talking about Afganistan. This week, everybody has an opinion on it. If this is the direct result of McChrystal's code breach, then Bravo! War is nasty, and anyone who invites us to regularly reexamine our policies and actions regarding it needs to be applauded. I doubt General McChrystal sat down and mapped out a strategy for how this would all unfold. I also doubt that his breach of the military's code of conduct regarding how millitary leaders talk about their civillian leaders was an accident. War is nasty and messy business. People die. Our people and their people die. Today we are talking about Afganistan.
CNN's announcement yesterday that Former NY Governor Eliott Spitzer will be cohosting a primetime news show is sure to tickle the fickle and rankle the rogue. I've seen a number of Spitzer's analytic contributions on MSNBC over the past several months, and have always found him to be smart, pleasant and persuasive. However, I never seem to be able to push aside my recollections that when he was Governor of New York he got busted for paying hookers (or a hooker) to have sex with him. I swing pretty far left, as do most of the folks I associate with, but nobody I know has ever shared with me that they pay hookers to have sex with them. My friends and familly are no prudes, but sex for money is a breach of social conduct that never seems to need reexplaining to anyone I know. I have never been to, or with, a hooker. Hell, the few times I've been to a strip joint all left me feeling sad for the girls who work there. But ... I often like hearing that other people (especially famous people) jeopardize their positions and their famillies by risking getting caught doing something that they know they shouldn't. I'm not really aiming at anything here other than to identify that last week I didn't consider the subject of politician news commentators hanging out with big-boobed hookers and this week I am. Thanks CNN.
My kids were grounded yesterday. Stuck for a full day in their rooms to ponder their conduct breach of avoiding physical conflict with eachother. What was worse, is that they were at the neighbors house when their wrastling and horseplay stopped being playful and led them both to come whinning home about how the other had acted bad. My wife and I agreed on the "grounding" and held firm. Fortunatly, both kids (ages 10 and 7) came through with flying colors and faced their punishment with only a modest amount of "boredom" complaints. Further, by this morning, they were happily playing together in a wonderfully (if not perplexing) collaborative manner. Hurrah! They learned a lesson about how not to problem solve and I got a day off from shuttling them around to friends, pool and play. Sometimes the benefits of bad behavior revise the way we think about the good things we want.
CNN's announcement yesterday that Former NY Governor Eliott Spitzer will be cohosting a primetime news show is sure to tickle the fickle and rankle the rogue. I've seen a number of Spitzer's analytic contributions on MSNBC over the past several months, and have always found him to be smart, pleasant and persuasive. However, I never seem to be able to push aside my recollections that when he was Governor of New York he got busted for paying hookers (or a hooker) to have sex with him. I swing pretty far left, as do most of the folks I associate with, but nobody I know has ever shared with me that they pay hookers to have sex with them. My friends and familly are no prudes, but sex for money is a breach of social conduct that never seems to need reexplaining to anyone I know. I have never been to, or with, a hooker. Hell, the few times I've been to a strip joint all left me feeling sad for the girls who work there. But ... I often like hearing that other people (especially famous people) jeopardize their positions and their famillies by risking getting caught doing something that they know they shouldn't. I'm not really aiming at anything here other than to identify that last week I didn't consider the subject of politician news commentators hanging out with big-boobed hookers and this week I am. Thanks CNN.
My kids were grounded yesterday. Stuck for a full day in their rooms to ponder their conduct breach of avoiding physical conflict with eachother. What was worse, is that they were at the neighbors house when their wrastling and horseplay stopped being playful and led them both to come whinning home about how the other had acted bad. My wife and I agreed on the "grounding" and held firm. Fortunatly, both kids (ages 10 and 7) came through with flying colors and faced their punishment with only a modest amount of "boredom" complaints. Further, by this morning, they were happily playing together in a wonderfully (if not perplexing) collaborative manner. Hurrah! They learned a lesson about how not to problem solve and I got a day off from shuttling them around to friends, pool and play. Sometimes the benefits of bad behavior revise the way we think about the good things we want.
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